It is a weekend and you failed to party last night. The newspaper doesn’t have any good news. You are fat. You are bored. You say, “Hey lets get my fatass a walking.” Your dog says, “Yay, finally a walk!” Then you say, “Don’t be so happy dog cus this probably won’t be that long of a walk.”
When you get out the door you realize you need a jacket. You then realize you shouldn’t be doing this. You then take your dog back inside and you turn on the television. Then you eat a Popsicle and you cry about how you don’t have friends and will be fat forever.
Then you decide you never should have gotten out of bed and decide to sleep in the crappy floral printed couch you bought from Goodwill that more than likely has been pissed on multiple times. You dream about a world where you aren’t alone. There is a dream with the hottest piece of crotch you could ever think of, and you and that piece of crotch are enjoying each other’s company.
You then wake up and realize that you have a weird rash on your arm. The rash is probably due to sleeping on all that dried up pee. So you need to go and get a shot so that you don’t start howling at the moon. You get out to your car and remember that you need something new with the car, but you can’t afford to fix it right now so you have to ride buses and taxis everywhere.
You then make a decision that you don’t need to do anything. This decision is a bad one for you. The rash continues to spread. By mid afternoon the rash is covering your face. You then remember that you have a date with a girl you met online. So you decide to call off the date
Then you get really depressed and think that you will be alone forever. You then hear the phone. It is your mom on the phone. She is inviting you over for a nice dinner with a salad even included. You tell her you will be over soon. You then wait an hour for the bus to get to your stop.
You get to your mom’s and eat a nice meal. You then feel sick. Your mom agrees to drive you to the emergency room. You get there and after some xrays are taken the doctor informs you that you have a crazy decease that could kill you or at least make your breath smell really bad for a while.
You then get dropped off back at home. Your dog then begins to talk. The dog says, “See! You should have taken me on a walk.” You then say, “You’re always right dog.” You then take your dog on a walk and realize that you really should have done that earlier.
Yes, I know this is a very typical day for most people. That is why you read it.